We have been taking our fantasies further along in our relationship. We are at the point were we would like to start to move along and experience more into fetishes. Our experiences in Anal, bondage and spanking have been fantastic. Our curiosity is now in more restriction, humiliation and light torture. We want to follow this curiosity, but are a little bit hesitant without the knowledge of proper administration to prevent anything drastic happening to either of us. Can you point us to somewhere to learn more about our adventure? Curious Couple

Curious COuple, it's good to see that you both want to try something a little different. And being safe is one of the most important lessons for all of us to learn. First up before you start experimenting with light torture or even taking that a little further, you both need to decide on a safe word. It could be anything as long as you both agree that you understand that that word is your safe word. You need to trust each other.

In your area where you live or even in the next city or town or state... you may find a bondage teacher who will teach you both the aspects of light torture, bondage and being restricted. Having the right teacher will be very beneficial in practicing before you begin experimenting on each other. Night Angel.

I'm a single guy with no current girlfriend. I'm also into bondage. As you probably know, it can be tough as nails to get into bondage communities or leather events as a single guy. We're like black sheep. There are so many of us! What can I do to make sure that I'm not known as a creep who never brings anything to the table? Max in Alberta.

Max in Alberta... I hear you. Yes it can be very difficult getting into the bondage communities or leather events as a single guy. I've been told that and it seems to go with the flow for other events also, including swinging. I believe the best way to find someone to go to these events with you is to advertise for either a Master, Mistress, submissive or slave. I mention all these because I'm not sure which side you live. Once you have a partner to go with you and who is willing to be apart of your lifestyle then you shouldn't have any problems attending these events.

If you can't find someone by advertising then perhaps you need to look online in places such as personals where others are looking for like-minded people.

I'm legally married to one woman, Kate, and we both love Martin. We're a happy unit, we take care of each other, and we go almost everywhere together. Our friends know the deal, but Kate's family and mine don't. I'm taking them both to a family event this summer, and we're going to Kate's folks' farm next month. I don't want to exclude Martin or hurt him. We love him too much. How do I introduce him to our families so that they know we consider him family, and won't question our right to have him along? My family might be okay with it, but Kate's would probably flip if they knew how things really are. In love in Tampa Bay.

It's time to introduce him to your family as a close family member and very very good friend. Family often take different lifestyles harder than others because they don't understand. It's hard not to have to sneak around and do things behind their backs when you are visiting family, but perhaps you and Kate need to explain the situation to Martin. Then look at the family event as an introduction to the family for Martin.

If the three of you feel that by explaining the true relationship you all have is too hard for the family to accept, then keep it a secret. And use that to make your trip away a little more adventurous also. At night sneak Martin into your room, have him sleep with you and by day, no one would know what the three of you are up to. Sometimes it's best to keep things in the 'closet' until the time is right and until everyone accepts Martin as being part of your family. If there is a reason why they feel Martin shouldn't be included, then explain that he goes everywhere with you and Kate because he is part of your family.

My partner and I have just moved into a completely new city, and it's the kind of nightmare rural 'burg that probably would arrest a couple like us for kissing on the street. We like it here, and we're stuck here with our jobs. Any tips for wild folks in a conservative mid-sized city looking to share a good time with like-minded people?Double Trouble.

Hi DoubleTrouble, it can be hard moving to a new city and of course you don't want to break any laws that that city may have. There are places online that you can find like-minded people like yourself and my first thought is to check out alt dot com. It is a place that appears to have many people either looking for like-minded people that want to live an alternative lifestyle. Other than that, I would suggest looking for clubs or meeting places that you can attend. Come back soon and let me know how you got on and whether you found others that are like-minded like you and your partner. Night Angel.

I'm trying to get with the BDSM scene as per my last question and now I'd like to know your thoughts on What is role playing, why do normal people enjoy doing it so much and where can I find others into it?Stevealt

Stevealt, welcome once again and please ask as many questions as you need to ask. When you ask more than one question it shows that you really are looking into BDSM and putting a lot of thought into it before you venture along that path. Stevealt, roleplaying is where people take on a character that has a different personality, one that they would like to be at that point of time. In the BDSM scene some people will take on the role of slave, submissve, Master or Mistress. However those roles will be very real at the time and some people go past the roleplay scene and their characters or personalities become their way of life.

Of course other people will role play too such as when two adults become baby and the adult or as some call it - adult baby diaper lovers. In a way this is also a role where there is one dominant person and a 'submissive' but it is not bdsm. People enjoy roleplaying because they can be who they want to be. If you are looking to find others interested in roleplaying like you, search the personals in your local papers or even online. There are sites on the net that cater for alternative lifestyles and roleplaying.

I want to have loving sex with another female. I truly love and totally enjoy my husband, he is fantastic in bed, but I have a need to experience sex with another woman. Other women really turn me on and I have never ventured in that direction. How can I do this without cheating on my husband? ChrissyB.

ChrissyB, many girls are a little curious to have sex with another woman. Perhaps you need to talk to your husband and talk about the different things you'd like to explore. But I am sure you will know if you can do this with him. Experiencing another woman doesn't mean you have to cheat on your husband.

Venture into this area of curiosity knowing that your husband knows and you just never know how many women you know that are curious just like you or who are bisexual. It is something that you and your husband can experience together.... and not in the case of husband enjoying two women, but with you enjoying your husband and another woman at the same time, or your husband giving you the ok to enjoy another woman by yourself. If this happens for you, enjoy the experience because it something you will remember for a long time.

I've always found BDSM to be something that I really don't understand why people like to be dominated and love dominating. What is the big turn on that some people have with such extreme fetishes such as bondage, discipline and sadomaschocism? Stevealt

Hi Stevealt, many people like to try something a little different. They may like pain, they may like to submit to another person, male or female. Some people like to be controlled, dominated and told what they can and can't do. Their life is based around an alternative lifestyle, some people like pain and some people like to punish or be the dominate one. It's just something very different to the normal sexual relationships or normal everyday relationships that many, many people live everyday. It's different and yet it is a lifestyle that over the years has become very popular with a lot of men and women. I'm not sure you would call it a turn on for some people, but it certainly is worth experiencing if you want an alternative lifestyle.

Night Angel, I met this fantastic woman who wants to dominate me. I had one date with her and she sent me home to think about being her slave for a whole weekend to see if I can handle a little pain. Do you think I should visit her for the weekend? Thomas87

Thomas87 it's not for me to make that decision for you. What you should do however is find out more about the weekend and find out what is expected of you. I know you mentioned that you will be her slave but what you should be finding out is as much information you can about the pain that will be inflicted on you. You also need to ask this woman what her expectations of you are and once you know everything that you need to know then you can make that decision for yourself.

If you do decide to meet with her for a weekend with a Mistress enjoy the pleasure and the pain and remember to choose a safe word in case the pain becomes too extreme. Also remember that even though you should respect your Mistress, your Mistress should respect your right to say enough if it is too much for you.

I want to try some BDSM with my girl but I’m not sure if she will let me do that. I don’t want it to be extreme, just something a little mild like spanking or getting her to do everything I ask. How can I encourage her to submit to me?

Arron light BDSM can make your times together exciting and different. Before you consider trying something like, talk to your girl. I know that may sound a little strange because I’m not telling you to just take control, but that’s not how it works.

Your girl has to earn your trust because BDSM is a lifestyle that thrives on trust. Your girl will have to trust you not to hurt her and not put her in any danger or cause her pain that was never intended. I think what you mean when you say ‘getting her to do everything you ask’ means that you want her to submit to you.

Unfortunately I can’t tell you how to encourage her to submit to you. You will need to discuss your thoughts with her and if she is prepared to try something a little different that can produce pleasure and pain then she will agree to submit to you.

I want to find a submissive. A girl that will do everything I say and not complain when I do things that may be a little painful for her. She’d have to always be there for me and judge my requests or say no. Where do I find someone like that?

IN_Control, slow down because the submissive you are looking for has to be someone who will trust you. A submissive gives herself to her Master but at the same time she trusts her Master to look after her and to be her leader. While the submissive respects her Master the submissive deserves some form of respect also.

If the submissive feels that she is into pain then she needs to be nurtured and she needs to learn how to accept that pain. And even though she maybe in pain she should never be abused.

Never expect a submissive to be a slave or to be your sex slave that will be there for your every need unless that has been agreed to. A submissive will do as she is requested to do but you cannot suddenly control anyone unless they are willing to be controlled.

If you want to search for someone who is eager to be submissive, try looking in your local papers if advertising or seeking someone is legal or try some of the personal sites online. The best ones to search in are places that offer alternative lifestyle personals.